Ben\u2019s situation is presented somewhat piteously, which may turn off readers of any age. He\u2019s been abandoned by his \u201cunstable\u201d mom, and now lives with his grandmother who picks out clothes he hates. He escapes into films, and especially loves monster movies. Early in the novel, Colleen wants to get high in the alley behind the theater and invites him to come along. He thinks: \u201cFirst of all, no way am I gimping down the aisle during Monster Week while the lights are still on. People will think I\u2019m part of the show.\u201d Ben observes that he is \u201call of a sudden totally conscious of [his] body\u201d when she returns and sits next to him, but the truth is, he\u2019s always aware of it: he\u2019s simply more<\/em> aware when Colleen touches him. His narration is never far from the body he often describes brutally:<\/p>\n My elbow is touching hers, and it\u2019s like being plugged into a wall socket. Not that it\u2019s some big horndog charge, either. I don\u2019t mean that. It\u2019s the way she\u2019s talking to me. To me. I know what sex is. Guys in the hall talk about it. Or girls acting tough. But I only hear things, see? I get them secondhand. On the rebound. Life as an eavesdropper.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Ben\u2019s certainty that he will never have a social or sexual life is troubling to me as an adult reader, but I recognize that young adults may see themselves in him. I remember this feeling, when there was no projecting forward into the future; there was only right now.<\/p>\n
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<\/a><\/center><\/div>Koertge\u2019s website and several interviews suggest that he is non-disabled, so I appreciate that he achieves many moments when the way Ben relates to his disability feels real and true.\u00a0 For example, apart from her body, it\u2019s Colleen\u2019s honesty and dark humor that make her so attractive to Ben. He marvels: \u201cNobody talks about my disability. Nobody ever makes a joke about it. They talk toward me and pretend I\u2019m like everybody else. Better, actually. Brave and strong. A plucky lad.\u201d A lot of nonfiction has been written about the way inspiration is linked to disability and the way inspiring others is often presented as a consolation prize for being disabled \u2014 but not a lot of fiction for young adults. So I was disappointed that such a complex observation, even a worldview, is only unpacked in Ben\u2019s head. If he had wrestled with it further, it would have counteracted his sometimes too-easy slide from self-deprecation to profound alienation multiple times throughout the novel.<\/p>\n