{"id":359,"date":"2013-07-31T09:00:28","date_gmt":"2013-07-31T14:00:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/disabilityinkidlit.wordpress.com\/?p=359"},"modified":"2020-12-09T22:47:42","modified_gmt":"2020-12-09T22:47:42","slug":"kayla-whaley-sister-act","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/disabilityinkidlit.com\/test\/2013\/07\/31\/kayla-whaley-sister-act\/","title":{"rendered":"Sister Act"},"content":{"rendered":"

The \u201cdisabled sibling\u201d trope is arguably one of the most common disability tropes and definitely one of my least favorites (not that I have any favorites<\/em>). You could certainly write a respectful, awesome story where the main character\u2019s sibling has a disability, but this trope isn\u2019t that.<\/p>\n

The trope tends to involve a healthy dose of inspiration porn mixed with an even healthier dose of dehumanization. In my experience, the disabled sibling exists purely to make the main character\u2019s life more \u201cdifficult,\u201d more \u201csympathetic.\u201d Oh, that poor dear,<\/em> the writers want you to think, having to deal with such a horrible thing. It must be so hard.<\/em><\/p>\n

\"EditorThe sibling with the disability is a source of frustration, anger, sadness, and general tragedy for their able-bodied sibling. It is not their story. They are not characters \u2014 they are props.<\/p>\n

None of this is to say that having a sibling with a disability can\u2019t be difficult or sad or whatever for the rest of the family. But it\u2019s certainly not only <\/i>that, and in my case, it was rarely <\/i>that.<\/p>\n

Growing up, I didn\u2019t have very many doctors\u2019 appointments (about one check-up a year), we didn\u2019t have any medical bills thanks to our excellent insurance, my little sister was never expected to help take care of me, I wasn\u2019t hospitalized but once for six days after my one surgery in fourth grade. As a family, we sacrificed little because of my disability. Sure, my parents acted as my primary caregivers until I went to college, and I\u2019d occasionally feel badly if I needed to call for one of them more times than usual in the night to roll over or go to the bathroom. Vacations were a little trickier than they would\u2019ve been otherwise, but not much.<\/p>\n

I obviously can\u2019t speak to how my family felt, but I very rarely felt like a burden on anyone, and certainly not to the extent I saw on TV and in books.<\/p>\n

Of course, my sister and I had our difficulties, but they rarely had anything to do with my chair. I was always jealous of her artistic abilities; she was jealous of my grades. I was really religious; she was really not. I liked following rules, meeting expectations; she liked \u201crebelling,\u201d finding her own path. I thought she got the most attention from our parents because she was the baby; she thought I got more because I was the \u201cgood kid.\u201d In reality, I think we both knew we were equally loved.<\/p>\n

And see how none of that was because of my disability? It wasn\u2019t an issue. (Of course, maybe my sister felt differently as I can\u2019t speak for her, but we\u2019ve spoken about it before, so I feel pretty confident.)<\/p>\n

So I couldn\u2019t help feeling frustrated seeing those \u201cdisabled siblings.\u201d It reflected nothing<\/em> of my experience or of my family\u2019s experience. Of course it offended me to see characters with disabilities relegated to those roles, but it also upset me to think that\u2019s how people assumed my sister felt about me. That people assumed we weren\u2019t close, that we didn\u2019t love each other and learn from each other and admire each other. That we didn\u2019t fight (boy, did we fight). That we didn\u2019t do things like spend all afternoon lathering ourselves in Bath and Body Works glittery lotions.<\/p>\n

That we weren\u2019t sisters first, above all.<\/p>\n

According to so many shows, books, and movies, my sister must have resented me. She must have fought to see the good in me and ultimately have learned to love me despite how horrible my disability made her life. Nay, learned to be inspired by all that I\u2019ve overcome.<\/p>\n

Fuck that noise.<\/p>\n

I love my sister and she loves me and we always have and always will. Do we fight? God, yes. Do we get mad and jealous and spiteful? Absolutely. Do we dance and laugh and tease? Yup. Does she steal my stuff? Mmhmm. Do I think her boyfriends aren\u2019t good enough for her? Sometimes. Is there anything, anything<\/em>, I wouldn\u2019t do for her? Not a thing. Am I sure she would say the same? Yes.<\/p>\n

In short, we\u2019re sisters.<\/p>\n

And I think it\u2019s a shame when stories ignore all the incredible, complex facets of any sibling relationship. It dehumanizes all <\/i>your characters, both the disabled and able-bodied siblings. It\u2019s disgusting and a waste and lazy.<\/p>\n

Be better than that, writers. Be better for your characters, for yourself, and for all the disabled and able-bodied siblings who deserve to see themselves and their relationships in the stories they read.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In my experience, the disabled sibling in fiction exists purely to make the main character\u2019s life more \u201cdifficult,\u201d more \u201csympathetic.\u201d Oh, that poor dear,<\/em> the writers want you to think, having to deal with such a horrible thing. It must be so hard.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":19,"featured_media":176,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_generate-full-width-content":"","kt_blocks_editor_width":""},"categories":[57,527],"tags":[58,70],"genre":[],"age_category":[],"disability":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/disabilityinkidlit.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/359"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/disabilityinkidlit.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/disabilityinkidlit.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/disabilityinkidlit.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/19"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/disabilityinkidlit.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=359"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/disabilityinkidlit.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/359\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7088,"href":"https:\/\/disabilityinkidlit.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/359\/revisions\/7088"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/disabilityinkidlit.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/176"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/disabilityinkidlit.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=359"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/disabilityinkidlit.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=359"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/disabilityinkidlit.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=359"},{"taxonomy":"genre","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/disabilityinkidlit.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/genre?post=359"},{"taxonomy":"age_category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/disabilityinkidlit.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/age_category?post=359"},{"taxonomy":"disability","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/disabilityinkidlit.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/disability?post=359"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}