![\"Cover](\"https:\/\/disabilityinkidlit.com\/test\/wp-content\/uploads\/the-girl-from-everywhere-300x453.jpg\")
<\/a>\t\n\t![](\"http:\/\/corinneduyvis.net\/images\/logo-bookshop.svg\"){kind=logo}
\n\t\t\t\tBUY ON BOOKSHOP<\/span>\n\t\t\t\tBOOKSHOP<\/span>\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t& support independent bookstores\n\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t<\/article> \n\n\t<\/center><\/div>Heidi Heilig:<\/em> I\u2019ve never felt an obligation or a responsibility to include mental illness in my writing, possibly because I avoid responsibility and obligation wherever I can. But being bipolar, the disorder has shaped my life so fully that Slate\u2019s entire personality came very easily to the page. Of all the characters I\u2019ve written so far, he is the one who most closely resembles me. At the time I decided to write the book, I was actually dealing with a diagnosis of infertility and endometriosis and I thought I\u2019d never have a child. (And I\u2019d gone off my medications while attempting to get pregnant.) My diagnosis, along with the return of a lot of my worst symptoms, prompted me to fully imagine the kind of parent I feared I might have been \u2014 and that I feared I\u2019d never have a chance to become. So even though it wasn’t carefully planned and plotted, including mental illness was unavoidable.<\/p>\nJJ<\/em>: Same; I don’t usually address bipolar disorder directly in my writing, although elements of both mania and depression do show up in my characters. I’ve also noticed that Captain Slate is never explicitly named as having bipolar disorder, although he does display some hallmarks: reckless behavior, irritability, depression, etc. The closest I read in the text was the mention of a “manic” gleam in his eye. Out of curiosity, was this a conscious choice? If so, why? <\/strong><\/p>\n Heidi<\/em>: So as much as I sling it around in my Twitter bio, I really don\u2019t like the word \u201cbipolar.\u201d Unfortunately, I picked up that Gen-X counter-culture bad attitude towards psychiatric treatment and using medication (and I know I\u2019m not the only one). I\u2019ve struggled for a while with what it means to be a \u201cgood\u201d or \u201cbad\u201d crazy person. The good ones get diagnosed and take their meds. The bad ones go on shooting sprees if they\u2019re boys or have Too Much Sex (that is,\u00a0any sex) if they\u2019re girls. (I don\u2019t know of any bipolar tropes for non-binary folks but I\u2019m sure they exist and are insulting.)<\/p>\n The thing is, my own story is that of the \u201cbad\u201d crazy person. So Slate is \u201cbad\u201d too \u2014 he was never diagnosed (and he was a runaway and a drug user from his teen years in the 80s, so diagnosis would probably have been less likely for him anyway.) Yet, I tried to write him with the respect and dignity normally afforded only to some of the \u201cgood\u201d crazies, because I wanted that for all of us.<\/p>\n
![\"Author](\"https:\/\/disabilityinkidlit.com\/test\/wp-content\/uploads\/heidi-heilig-500x500.jpg\")
<\/a>Heidi<\/em>: I admire that so much about the way you live \u2014 I try to do the same, at least on Twitter. Clear, unambiguous representation in the text is the gold standard for many people (with good reason!). But I personally love looking for hidden meaning and secret implications \u2014 whether for mental illness, queerness, non-traditional relationships, anything. I hope a bipolar reader can recognize themselves in the text, especially if they haven\u2019t been diagnosed (or if they don\u2019t like to think about their diagnosis). Leaving the diagnosis more ambiguous also takes the focus off his disorder \u2014 I didn\u2019t want the story to be about his mental illness. I wanted a mentally ill character to have a story where his illness affected his behavior and decisions, but his actual central struggle was something else entirely.<\/p>\n